Saturday, January 9, 2010

Epigrams Written by an Alien in the Style of Oscar Wilde


"I'm terribly old-fashioned; I never teleport without a brandy."

"They make a wonderful couple; he's rich and she's goopy."

"Is there anything duller than a Neptunian dinner party? Let's destroy Neptune."

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the spaceship. Is the spaceship ready yet? No? This is unacceptable."

"Blurrrgh."

"London’s atmosphere is simply awful – I can’t breathe it! Help!!!"

"Money is very much like space-goop; the more you have in your wallet, the wetter your pants become."

"As long as an alien woman’s tentacles can look ten-times danglier than her own daughter’s, she is perfectly satisfied and won't vaporize her daughter."

"Is sodomy totally illegal on Mercury?"

"I have nothing to declare except my moon rocks."

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