Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I Have No Daughter

Kids, hey? They never turn out the way you want them to. Take my daughter, Janica. She's tearing the family apart with her behaviour and filthy outfits. I'm just about at my wit's end.

Janica really makes me mad. I've worked very hard all my life to give her the opportunity to become a successful businesswoman -- an opportunity I never had. And what does she give me in return? She goes ahead and turns into a nightmare. The question I keep asking myself is: where did it all go wrong?

As her father, I suppose I am at least partly responsible for how Janica turned out. I shouldn't have let her drop math in high school. I should've taken her to more museums. Maybe I set a bad example with my Fight Club and my bland suppers. But I certainly never brought her up to be an irresistible sex assassin who kills everyone and laughs afterward like a maniac.

Congratulations, Janica. You've made your father very unhappy. And as far as I'm concerned, you're out of the family.

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